Category Archives: Uncategorized

A friend recently reminded me that I dated a guy for years who ate his own jizz every time he came, to preserve his chi. I had blocked that out. -V.C.

“All my exes are crazy bitches.” If anyone says this to you, you will be added to this list after yall break up. They never look at what the common denominator is… -T.P.

The only thing in his fridge when we met was a bottle of whipped cream flavor vodka in the freezer. He proposed to me three months into dating, but not really proposed, more like just started planning our wedding. I bought my own ring. The last thing he said when I was telling him IContinue reading “Cream”

I didn’t date him, but there was a guy who liked my wedding pictures, then tried to slide into my DMs. -A.N.

When I was 20, a 29-year-old radio dj I was dating told me, “I wish you were a year younger so I could fuck a teenager.” He also said things like “I think I’m going to cheat on you” and “girls call me a fuckboy, but I’m not.” (He did wind up cheating.) -M.H.

I dated a guy whose favorite movie was High School Musical. I was willfully ignorant because he was so hot. I finally had to accept reality when he was… unable to perform sexually. -J.S.

My ex (a man) showed me (a woman) how I should do my makeup. Among many other obvious terrible things. But this was like a week into the relationship. -K.R.

I once dated a guy whose nickname was Tapeworm. I thought it was because he was skinny but it was because he sucks the life out of people. -S.S.

A guy I used to date used to be a cutter (not inherently the problem). He had carved “clear the board” (a reference to Searching for Bobby Fisher) into his chest. -A.B.

I dated a guy who had a life-size cardboard cutout photo of himself in his bedroom. He was the worst. -D.H.