Category Archives: Uncategorized

My ex got arrested for breaking and entering, and resisting arrest, for using a hammer to break into the car repair place ON OUR STREET. IN BROAD DAYLIGHT. LOUDLY. I came home to his cell phone and ID in our apartment, my tools missing, and a trail of blood. Called the precinct and they hadContinue reading “B&E”

I dated a guy who had on his nightstand an open beer for while he was in bed, a full one for when he got up, one in the shower, and always had a roadie. It took awhile to wake up from that one. -S.S.

When I met his family for the first time, they all went upstairs in the 15-year-old daughter’s bedroom and got high before dinner. My boyfriend, his mom, his dad, and his sister. I sat downstairs and waited. -A.S.

One ex was an obnoxious sloppy drunk. He once got our whole group kicked out of a bar for getting on top of a table and singing karaoke to the Rolling Stones “Beast of Burden” at me. I was mortified. -E.R.

This dude told me point blank that he’d shoot his dog when he had to. I understand compassionate euthanasia, but he made it sound like this would be his first resort—not his last—if anything remotely wrong happened to his pet. Take them to the vet first, buddy. -L.D.

“I’m glad I met you like I did. My ex thinks I only meet women at festivals.” -A.R.

I once dated a man who never told me that he had been prosecuted by the woman he dated before me, because he shoved her around in their home and hurt her pet birds while he was blackout drunk. I found out from a mutual friend and had to confront him about it many monthsContinue reading “For the birds”

There was a guy we called The Borefriend. He was terrible. He only ate spaghetti-type pasta and got confused when I asked him which type of pasta noodle to get for dinner. -E.K.

I dated a guy that told me he stopped being friends with all of his friends so he could just date me. -X.R.

A guy I was dating for 3 months posted to Twitter, “what’s the dating scene like out there? Still a shitshow?” Because he didn’t know that I too have a Twitter account. -A.R.